Long time no post. I know I’m a bad blogger but I was
finding it hard to post the last few months. It’s been a weird trip for me
these last few months. When I have been able to afford to go to pole class I have
been very happy, the problem is right now I just can’t afford to go. So the few
times I have gone in the last few months I feel like I have completely lost all
of my momentum I gain in those first few months. *sigh* I know that if I was
working out at home I might have been able to maintain some of the strength I had
built but I just can’t do it. Working out at home bores me so much. I hate it. I
know this comes down to self-discipline and just making myself do it, but I’m
not there yet mentally. I have lots of excuses
to not work out, and then I don’t work out, then I get depressed about losing
my strength that if I try to work out I’m so put off by how little I can do
that I get more depressed and then I just stop working out so I’m not upset
with myself. It’s stupid, I know it, but it is also how it is. It is all i can do sometimes to be positive like the picture above states.
Luckily, I think soon I am going to be able to get pack to
pole class soon. My studio has offered a program of work in trade for pole
classes. We are meeting on Saturday, I’m not sure I’ll get the job (assistant
work or helping clean the studio ect.) But
I want it so bad. Lately I’ve only been working 8 or so hours a week at my “real”
job, so I can easily work the 4-6 hours a week required for this assistant job
and have time to take my earnings in the form of a few pole classes a week. Which would just be so fantastic.
I think when it comes down to it; I’m just in a point in my
life right now where I feel like I have no control. There are a lot of things
for me in the future but before I can even start to work on them I have to see
what happens with other people in my life (My hubby getting a promotion, my
father moving to California ect.) and those are things I have no control over. And
I cannot start on my stuff until those things are settled. It’s frustrating. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, that is much to strong
of a word for what I am feeling now. Just down, I guess, stagnate. It’s not a good feeling but it’s also not all
consuming, I can still find joy in lots of things (friends, movies, my pets, my
hunny ect.)But most days I just end up sitting at home watching tv, surfing the
net or reading. All of these things I do love mind you, but there is a point
when enough is enough.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say in this blog, I guess
just trying to organize my thoughts about how I have been feeling as of late.
I think it is going to get better soon, I have a lot of
things coming up that hopefully drag my ass out of sit around mode. Such as
this job opportunity at Vertical Fusion, Denver Comic Con and moving next
month. I guess all I can say is wish me
luck!
What do you do to get yourself out of a funk? To keep your self positive? to remind yourself that you are an amazing person no matter what?
Hey love! I'm sorry you've been having a hard time. I know what it's like to feel like you have no direction or motivation, that you can't do the things you want because of other factors. Just take it little by little each day, and eventually it all falls into place. Weirdly it seems to happen best when you relinquish control (always a scary concept). Just keep remembering that it will all come together (I know you know this, but still). Call me if you ever need to vent, or get depressed. I love you! -Heather
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