Long time no post. I know I’m a bad blogger but I was
finding it hard to post the last few months. It’s been a weird trip for me
these last few months. When I have been able to afford to go to pole class I have
been very happy, the problem is right now I just can’t afford to go. So the few
times I have gone in the last few months I feel like I have completely lost all
of my momentum I gain in those first few months. *sigh* I know that if I was
working out at home I might have been able to maintain some of the strength I had
built but I just can’t do it. Working out at home bores me so much. I hate it. I
know this comes down to self-discipline and just making myself do it, but I’m
not there yet mentally. I have lots of excuses
to not work out, and then I don’t work out, then I get depressed about losing
my strength that if I try to work out I’m so put off by how little I can do
that I get more depressed and then I just stop working out so I’m not upset
with myself. It’s stupid, I know it, but it is also how it is. It is all i can do sometimes to be positive like the picture above states.
Luckily, I think soon I am going to be able to get pack to
pole class soon. My studio has offered a program of work in trade for pole
classes. We are meeting on Saturday, I’m not sure I’ll get the job (assistant
work or helping clean the studio ect.) But
I want it so bad. Lately I’ve only been working 8 or so hours a week at my “real”
job, so I can easily work the 4-6 hours a week required for this assistant job
and have time to take my earnings in the form of a few pole classes a week. Which would just be so fantastic.
I think when it comes down to it; I’m just in a point in my
life right now where I feel like I have no control. There are a lot of things
for me in the future but before I can even start to work on them I have to see
what happens with other people in my life (My hubby getting a promotion, my
father moving to California ect.) and those are things I have no control over. And
I cannot start on my stuff until those things are settled. It’s frustrating. I wouldn’t say I’m depressed, that is much to strong
of a word for what I am feeling now. Just down, I guess, stagnate. It’s not a good feeling but it’s also not all
consuming, I can still find joy in lots of things (friends, movies, my pets, my
hunny ect.)But most days I just end up sitting at home watching tv, surfing the
net or reading. All of these things I do love mind you, but there is a point
when enough is enough.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to say in this blog, I guess
just trying to organize my thoughts about how I have been feeling as of late.
I think it is going to get better soon, I have a lot of
things coming up that hopefully drag my ass out of sit around mode. Such as
this job opportunity at Vertical Fusion, Denver Comic Con and moving next
month. I guess all I can say is wish me
luck!
What do you do to get yourself out of a funk? To keep your self positive? to remind yourself that you are an amazing person no matter what?