There is nothing like fate

Here is the thing, I like myself. I truly do. But who can help the little bit of self-doubt that nags in to back of their mind? I know I can’t. but life is about overcoming these little things we tell ourselves we cannot possible do. We need to tell the world “screw you! I do what I want!” This is the start of my story.

When my best friend found a pole dancing video about a year ago I was instantly enthralled. I had never seen such beauty and strength exhibited in such an amazing way before. Likewise my friend was enraptured as well. A few months later I happened upon a Living Social deal for several pole dance classes at a studio not too far away from where we live. Well, I’m in no shape to do this, but I know she would love it. I told myself, and I forwarded her the information feeling quite proud of myself for helping foster something she felt passionate about.

She has been dancing about 8 months now and I have been in complete awe of her transformation, not just physical but emotionally as well. Never a shy girl or lacking a certain confidence to begin with, she bloomed as she danced. It was amazing to watch.

When the studio opened a new location about 4 months back actually in my town I swore I was going to sign up. Where am I going to get the time? Maybe I should get a gym membership first .. build up some sort of workout …something… I never really work out….

Obviously that never happened. But I went on with my life. Life was busy after all I JUST got married, I am working two jobs. There will be time… Later.

And last night I attended a showcase where she performed for her first time. And I was stunned. Not only by her but by countless other girls who had such strength and devotion. It was empowering to watch. I was truly moved (hell I even cried a few times because the danced where that emotionally charged). I saw the amazing community she had been welcomed into, I am going do to this one day.

Maybe I’ll lose 20 pounds first. Yeah, I’m serious this time I’m going to start working out then I am signing up for classes!

Enter Fate.

The showcase last night was also a fundraiser for a local charity, and as part of their fundraiser  they held a raffle with lots of different prizes including dozens of thing including the Grand Prize over $170 worth of free pole classes. One of my other friends was lamenting that she forgot to bring cash to enter the raffle so I opened my wallet to see if I had any cash to help her out. In my wallet was exactly $5, the cost of a ticket, and I almost handed it over to my friend but last second I decided not to. No, this felt good. Maybe I could win the make-up, or the portrait session, hell even the super fancy fake eyelashes would be fun! That would be cool! So with my $5 in hand I made my way over and bought one ticket, and returned to enjoy the show.

After the show they began the raffle and with each number called I was a little less sure of my initial feeling of being sure to win. That’s how gambling gets you, never go gambling, you are a sucker for this. Hell at one point I even got bored and gave my friend the ticket and went to the bathroom. I returned with only 2 more items to go. And then they called my number. I actually didn’t believe it until my friend started screaming! And then I screamed! And then my dancer friend jumped up and down and hugged me and I went to claim my prize.

Nothing like fate stepping in, nothing like fate telling you “No more excuses damnit!” so here I am on the precipice of change. Yes I’m scared as hell; yes I am not 100% confidante with my body type combined with this style of dance. But you know what else? I don’t care! This is going to be amazing! I will work through my nerves; I will get over my body issues. It will be beautiful.

I am so excited!